I feel like I’m letting my life slip through my fingers. Years of not knowing why I couldn’t cope with what seemed like simple things; years of on/off depression and constant anxiety; years of feeling like my life has no point whatsoever. And yet still battling on, because I feel I ought to. Then wondering why nothing changes.
Getting an autism diagnosis was an answer, but also it’s just a first step. I am still me with all my anxieties and foibles, but I feel like I’m only the rubbish parts of me most of the time.
I’ve been looking at planners for several months, considering several pre-made styles or printouts and contemplating designing my own and getting it printed on demand. I’d seen the concept of a bullet journal, but watching the intro video didn’t inspire me and I’d written it off. But then I found the #bulletjournal tag on Instagram and saw how other people were using the method to fit them, and I
spent hours wasting time on Instagram and YouTube was inspired.
The person whose beautiful bullet journal really made me want to start is Boho Berry. I have a tendency to jump too far into new things and go a little overboard with collecting stuff rather than doing stuff, and New Year’s intentions always fall apart for me so I started reticulating splines (or something) and bought a Leuchtturm1917 squared journal. It didn’t have to be that brand, but that’s the one that seemed to suit what I was looking for best. It is very beautiful.
I have no patience, and I don’t believe that starting something at New Year is necessary the best, so I started for December. I’ve not got into the habit of using it every day, but I have found writing short to-do lists each day are more likely to get done and I was a little more organised for the first few days of new thing excitement!
I’ve thought about my goals for 2016, to become a better me (not a different person; me with all my faults and meltdowns but also with more structure and less procrastination) and my three main areas of focus are house, health, and blog. I’ve not included parenting because that is in every part of me, and included in specific house and health goals.
So that’s my plan. Work on creating routines and habits that work for the family; work on creating a living space that reduces stress; work on living together as a family with all our foibles and traits; work on physical fitness alongside mental health. Keep reviewing. Keep accountable. Keep authentic.
Here’s to 2016.