I generally love our little school, but this morning I am frustrated that they really don’t get my daughter’s autism. Yes, she appears “fine” at school, but this is at a huge cost to her coping levels, her “spoons”.
If you had a child who hit herself on the head with the first thing within reach when she was stressed, you wouldn’t make her do homework either. Other children may also “be busy” but extra busy in this household means extra down time, and there *isn’t* time for homework – unless you’re the kind of person who enjoys watching a child suffer, which I’m not.
No, we can’t do homework after school – she is so worn out by then it’s too stressful. Friday evenings? Don’t be ridiculous – the *only* thing possible on a Friday after school is as much calm time as possible. Weekends are the only time possible, but if we do something else (you know, like be a family and go out occasionally), then more recovery time is needed so again approaching homework isn’t possible without screaming, hyperventilating, self-harm.
Would you put your child through that? For homework that is pointless for her as she’s so academically bright she doesn’t need the extra practice anyway? I wouldn’t. I don’t.
But the pressure to hand in homework also makes her so stressed. All she needs is to know it doesn’t matter, that it’s not important that she didn’t do this work that she could breeze through this week. Not to be told that “of course she should be worried” that she didn’t do homework; not for me to be told that maybe we should do it on Fridays after school so it’s done.
I’m not putting my child through that stress for a meaningless exercise in nothingness, but even our lovely laid back school is happy to put her through more stress because they “see” that she’s “fine”.
She’s not “fine”.
She’s awesome. She’s wonderful. She’s clever. She’s imaginative. She’s kind. She’s caring. She’s thoughtful. She’s amazing.
But, actually, she’s also disabled. And that matters too.