I’ve seen an advert which says “outrun May”, and I keep thinking it means the current UK prime minister. But actually it’s about running for charity. Or health. Or something. I’m not interested enough to remember. I’ve meant to do a blog every day month for years but instead I’ve barely blogged. But it’s the first of yet another month so I’m having another try.
I want to get back in the habit of blogging again because I enjoyed it. I need to get in a habit of journalling because my mental health isn’t doing too well and writing usually helps.
It seems that being diagnosed as autistic is the start of a long process and after over two years I still feel at the beginning of my understanding of myself. Over 40 years of not really being who you actually are isn’t easy to work out. I’m not sure who I am or how to parent the awesome beings that my body grew and expelled.
We’re on the cusp of puberty for my eldest daughter, and her diagnosis a year ago should help navigate that. Also being ridiculously open and honest for her whole life. Side affect of my autism, I’m rubbish at lying. We’ll have to apply for secondary school in a few months, and I am honestly scared of her going to a huge school, but an EHCP is unlikely unless she actually goes into crisis, which I’d prefer to avoid. Masking issues and appearing “normal” to get through the day equals “she’s fine” to the untrained eye.
Youngest daughter is still awaiting assessment, because two autism diagnoses in close family and a host of traits are still apparently not enough to avoid hoop jumping with CAMHS just to get on the year long waiting list. We don’t even have written confirmation she’s on a waiting list, and I don’t trust verbal notifications.
I won’t be writing specific details about my children because their lives are theirs and they don’t want it shared online. So if I seem self centered, it’s because I’m the only person I have permission to write about. My life is still child-led chaos of course.
My current special interests appear to be books (always, although picture books are fading, which I’m not happy about so will fight back); autism (especially female experiences and mental health); feminism (sort of, mainly for counteracting everyday sexism for my daughters); decluttering and organisation (because my house is too messy / stimulating for good mental health); and Lego (because.)
I have no plan for this daily blogging. I might hunt out some prompts, or diary stuff, or actually do some book reviews, or stream of consciousness. Or this might be or for another few months. Hopefully not. Please feel free to give me any ideas or questions and I’ll see how I do. Thank-you.