Category Archives: Parenting

Can you see my daughter?

I wish you could see my daughter. Really see her, the daughter I know. The funny, clever, perspicacious, thoughtful, caring, wonderful girl that I know.

Maybe you’ve see her hidden behind me, head down and not talking. You think I’m a pushy mother as I answer questions for her. But I’m not pushing her to speak, when she’s ready she’ll speak. It might be in a few minutes; it might not be at all today.

You think she’s not interested in parties or events. You might have seen her clinging to my leg for the entire duration of a party so think she doesn’t want to be there. You don’t see her playing in the last few minutes when her anxiety has decreased enough.

You haven’t seen her thriving and playing at school. You haven’t seen her in control on play dates in her house, on her familiar ground :-)

You didn’t see her an hour after the packed room, when we found a quiet place and she sat down and drew and wrote about her day.

I wish you could see my daughter. My real daughter. She is confident, talented and amazing. She’s only six. She’ll grow into an amazing person too. Just give her time, keep involving her, don’t leave her out.

MG in Oxford University Parks

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Portraits of a Sister

MG has taken to borrowing my camera and taking photos. It’s lovely seeing the small random things that take her attention: shoes, flowers, books, artwork… But I just had to share this series of pictures she took of her little sister in the play tent they made from ball pits and bubble wrap :-)

DG by MG

DG by MG

DG by MG

DG by MG

DG by MG

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Children and Computers

I went to a Britmum’s meetup yesterday (which I’ll write about in another post) and got talking with someone who is working on a website full of activity ideas to get kids away from screens and into real life. This is something I am very much for – okay, my kids spend way too much time in front of the TV but they also spend a huge amount of time doing things: climbing, creating, imagining. I’m pretty lucky with them.

The website is Freaky Rivet, I’ve had a look and it looks like great fun. There’s a bunch of London itineraries based around themes (I’m curious about the children’s literature one of course!) and activities like Bomb your Artwork, plus more on subscription. I’ve had a look around out of curiosity, not because I was asked to (I wasn’t!) I think my children are probably on the young end to appreciate most of it. It looks like something that might be a useful resource for home educators?

So, I was having a conversation with one of the Freaky Rivet founders and saying that my children were too young really to be addicted to computers, although MG does go a bit ‘zombie’ when the television is on but she’ll also happily draw and write and play outside for hours on end (as I write this, both MG and DG are in the back garden playing with mud…)

That very evening, just to prove me wrong in my “they don’t use the computer much” comment, MG took possession of my laptop for the evening. I can’t really complain though, she logged herself in and found Paint then drew this picture:

Rainbow drawn in Paint

She uses computers at school and goes on iPlayer or BBC games on my laptop but this is the first time to my knowledge that she’s used this Paint program and she taught herself everything as she went along.

She then asked me to open Word and typed these sentences:

toytext

This term’s topic is Toys and they’ve been looking at current toys and are going to a museum next week to see old ones. She’d asked me what my favourite toy had been and I said Lego. She asked what it looked like and I pointed to the huge box of my Lego in their play area and said that’s my old toys to which she said it didn’t look old enough!

All the sentences are her own thoughts. It looks like she’s been doing descriptive sentences in literacy recently!

As I said, I can’t really complain, but I did miss having my laptop in between cooking and tidying! I don’t plan to be getting my children their own computers anytime soon (no DS, iPad, games consoles etc in this house either) but I expect the pestering will start sooner than I hoped.

Actually, maybe Mr Chaos can buy them a Tablet so I don’t lose my laptop so often… ;-)

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Things children say

MG invaded my bed a couple of nights ago. I was trying to read but she didn’t want to sleep and kept bugging me. I know I should just put her back in her own bed but I wanted to have a calming evening, not a stressful one.

MG: Mummy, ask me a question!

Me: Are you going to sleep tonight?

MG: No, that’s an easy question. Ask me a hard one.

She likes to play school, so I knew she meant a general knowledge type question.

Me: What’s the capital of England?

MG: E.

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I thought that was a joke as I’d read it somewhere before, but apparently it is the literal way children’s minds work. I love it.

I then told her that was a fabulous answer and perfectly correct.

She continued to bug me for a while afterwards, but I finished a chapter of my book and then we fell asleep together.

*******************************************

The online grocery shop arrived yesterday and I was putting things in cupboards high and low. I left a high cupboard open whilst putting something into a low cupboard, then stood up and slammed my head into the open cupboard door.

Me: Ow!

Mr Chaos: Are you alright?

Me (grumpy because I’d just hit my head in a door): No I’m not alright. Of course I’m not alright. I’ve just banged my head. Why do people ask such stupid questions?

DG: Because we love you.

That’s one way to stop being grumpy :-)

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Thoughts on #ReaditMD13 – The Gender Gap

ReadItDaddy had yet another brilliant weekly theme in his Read It Mummies and Daddies campaign, and one that I have a strong interest in: Gender.

I think my biggest problem with genderisation of books is that I just don’t ‘get it’. This may have something to do with having a mildly autistic brain which doesn’t understand a lot of things, and according to this unscientific BBC quiz I have a perfectly average male brain so I really don’t ‘get’ girly-ness either.

I follow a lot of people on Twitter who post about everyday sexism and most of it is geared against women, but it does work both ways. I consider myself a feminist, and I believe part of this is to uphold the equality of the sexes therefore (for example) adverts where men are portrayed as being incapable of certain tasks that women can do easily is as sexist as women being portrayed as sex objects and both ideas need to be scrubbed out of everyday normalcy. I also believe in freedom of speech and support everyone’s right to an opinion; where is the line between ‘a bit of fun’ and ‘a serious problem’?

Despite all the negative sexism against women in the world, women (in the western world at least) hold a lot more power than men when it comes to genderisation. Women can wear trousers or skirts; women can play with trains or dolls; women can wear jewellery or not, have long or short hair, wear makeup or not… In general a girl who plays with trucks is not considered something less than a girl, or any more likely to prefer members of her own gender in relationships; but a boy who plays with dolls is steered away from such things because it’s not manly and he’s bound to turn out gay. Although why a person’s sexual preference is a problem is a whole other rant.

Both genders get an unfair deal when it comes to characterisation in fiction. The female leads are just looking for Prince Charming to look after them (no personality required); and the male leads have to be tough and emotionless. Fortunately there are thousands of books that break this mould and give us well-rounded, independent and individual personalities (male and female). But it’s still a hard sell to convince boys to read books with a female lead because of the inherent sexist beliefs that have permeated their upbringing.

Then there is marketing. If you work on the assumption that the average family is made of two children, one male and one female, then in order to sell more books (toys, clothes, toiletries, bedding, yogurts…) it makes perfect sense to market certain things as “girls” and others as “boys” because the proletariat are mindless drones who buy into the pink and blue genderisation of everything aren’t they? Hmmm…

I don’t understand this either. I don’t believe anyone is inherently mindless. I do believe that the aim of any government is to make mass schooling into a system that produces mindless drones but I don’t believe it’s worked yet. So where does buying into genderisation seep into mass consciousness? Why do marketers answer the genderisation question with “It’s what parents have asked for”?

I don’t have any answers, only questions. It’s something I think about regularly and plan to explore and write about more than I currently do. Carmen at Rhino Reads writes far more eloquently than I, and I thoroughly recommend her post on The Gender Game.

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Saying Sorry

Sometimes, everyone needs to say sorry…

Saying sorry

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Once aponer time #5

Continuing the serialisation of Mighty-Girl’s picture book: the final pages of The Lonely Bear.

The Lonely Bear, page 10

The Lonely Bear, page 8

The Lonely Bear, page 9

The Lonely Bear, page 9

The Lonely Bear, back cover

The Lonely Bear, back cover

To say I’m proud is something of an understatement. The length of this writing for a just-turned six year old is amazing (in my opinion!), there’s over 360 words even excluding all title, character lists etc.

Mighty-Girl approached this work entirely on her own initiative. The only input I had was when she asked me to spell a couple of words (“curious” and “their” – I got some of the their/there/they’re out of context though so incorrect use is probably my fault!) and she only let me read it when she was ready.

I’d like to give huge thanks to Clara Vulliamy who you can see is a huge influence in this work (Martha in this story is named after Clara’s Martha Bunny) and also I can see a lot of similarities to David Melling characters too!

Finally: exciting news! The Lonely Bear is going to be animated…

lonelybear-600px

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Once aponer time #4

Continuing the serialisation of Mighty-Girl’s picture book: pages six and seven of The Lonely Bear.

The Lonely Bear, page 6

The Lonely Bear, page 6

The Lonely Bear, page 7

The Lonely Bear, page 7

Come back tomorrow for the final installment!

 

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Once aponer time (an aside)

It’s two-for-the-price-of-one today as along with the third installment of The Lonely Bear I just couldn’t resist sharing something else MG has just written. She decided she hated it so tore it in half, and it’s had water dripped on it too so I’ve typed it up after the pictures.

Witch Story, page 1

Witch Story, page 2

once aponaer time they livd in a carssle a kwen and to prinsesis carld Rosie and Sinder. But muther did not no that sinder was a witch. it startid at night time wen the muther put them to bed and sed good night childrun and when thear mumy gos to slape the bad witch gos to her witch touer evree single night.

Corrected text: Once upon a time there lived in a castle a queen and two princesses called Rosie and Sinder. But mother did not know that Sinder was a witch. It started at nighttime when the mother put them to bed and said “Good night, children,” and when their mummy goes to sleep the bad witch goes to her witch tower every single night.

I find this piece of work astonishing for a six year old. It just seems so mature? Maybe she copied it from somewhere but it’s not familiar to me. If any readers recognise it, please let me know, I’m really curious as to whether it’s something she’s memorised and altered or just her own interpretation of many things she’s read.

I’d love to know more about this story, but I don’t think MG wants to continue it!

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Cultivating Creativity – or Mess?!

I seem to have developed a fairly laissez-faire approach to parenting (quickly googles laissez-faire to make sure it means what I think it means… Yeah, that’ll do.) Or maybe it’s just that I’m a terrible parent who ignores her children! I’d like to lead by example and be a wonderfully perfect person with manners and a tidy, clean house but I’m not so I do try to explain right and wrong and we have all sorts of discussions about things in the world too. But sometimes I do just hide behind a screen and leave them to it.

Which results in things like MG’s book The Lonely Bear that I’m serialising this week. And a whole bunch of paper and felt tips soaking into clothes and covers as they (the felt tips) are left with lids off leaning on them (the clothes, bedsheets etc) that are also left lying around. Not to mention the mountains of paper and other art materials that appear to breed (see Clutter Creep).

I am neglecting DG in this description. There is a reason she is called Destructo-Girl but she is also incredibly creative and imaginative. She loves small world play and will make up stories for hours on end with all her favourite toys – mixing Sylvanians and Budkins, soft toys and dolls’ clothes, wooden food and trainsets… Until the entire house hasn’t any spare floor space from top to bottom. But if you look carefully, it’s not mess. You can see her creativity shining through:

 Creativity or Mess

Creativity or Mess

Shame I have to tidy everything up, and all the teeny bits seem to get lost all over the house though!

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